Shorter Bob Tourtellotte, Reuters Entertainment writer:
Even though Dakota Fanning ~~never played a role in~~ wasn't alive during the 1960s Civil Rights movement, Barry Obama might want to thank her because she plays a fictitious character who is based on real people who opened the door for Mr. Obama to run for President.

And -

Shorter Ed Whelan, former Judge Scalia clerk:
Young women inherently have an impulse to abort their unwanted fetuses. But they will only do so if abortion is legal. Obama should realize how lucky he is to have been born in 1960, because if abortion were legal then, he would most certainly have been terminated. Obama supporters should be careful in their efforts to protect abortion rights, since they now favor racially mixed, former unwanted fetuses to become president.

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* ‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.
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